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Aug 19, 2009
08/09
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people could use that. but now it's a tiny boat and i heard that -- >> it's -- do you know -- have you been to little venice? it's in little venice in paddington in london. have you ever been there? >> jimmy: no. >> it's a really beautiful little spot. but it's called a narrow boat. and it's literally 6 1/2 feet wide. and 60 foot long. it's like a corridor on water. >> jimmy: it's like an apartment in manhattan. [ light laughter ] >> so, if you have anybody over, you're kind of like, "can i just get the sugar?" >> jimmy: "excuse me, sorry." >> "hello, there goes --" >> jimmy: oh, my fault, yep, that's mine. >> you're walking around like that. and you kind of get used to it after awhile. >> jimmy: i know that -- i wanted to ask you about this. the teeth. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how do they do it? they grow -- >> at first -- at first -- when you -- >> jimmy: 'cause when you feel like -- right? >> he's a real fan. >> john: grow. >> he's asking if they grow. >> john: just so you know, six-year-old jimmy just asked m
people could use that. but now it's a tiny boat and i heard that -- >> it's -- do you know -- have you been to little venice? it's in little venice in paddington in london. have you ever been there? >> jimmy: no. >> it's a really beautiful little spot. but it's called a narrow boat. and it's literally 6 1/2 feet wide. and 60 foot long. it's like a corridor on water. >> jimmy: it's like an apartment in manhattan. [ light laughter ] >> so, if you have anybody over,...
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joan rivers joins us next, come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ announcer: welcome to the now network. currently, thousands of people are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multiple applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunki' donuts in space. from america's most dependable 3g network. bringing you the first and only wireless 4g network. get the palm pre. only from sprint. only on the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com. over a leading old spice fragrance. ♪ ♪ new degree men's deodorant. mind-blowing fragrances. (announcer) they make little hearts happy... ...and big hearts happy too. because as part of a heart healthy diet,... ...those delicious oats in cheerios can help naturally lower cholesterol. (cheerios spilling) ch
joan rivers joins us next, come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ announcer: welcome to the now network. currently, thousands of people are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multiple applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunki' donuts in space. from...
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more americans are using food stamps than ever before. over 34 million, which explains bravo's new show "top chef: boyardee edition." [ laughter ] that should be exciting. yesterday, i read the two broadway producers garth drabinsky and myron gottlieb were sentenced to prison for scamming investors out of millions of dollars. it won't be easy in there. no one wants you in their prison gang when your names are garth and myron. [ laughter ] these two guys. the new issue of "time" magazine says that moderate exercise is not effective when trying to lose weight. you want to lose weight, you need a really strenuous workout, like trying to get a spoon into a frozen pint of cookie dough ice cream. [ laughter ] that's like -- every spoonful, you burn, like, 300 calories. i read that somewhere. i heard that maybe. well, after 22 years, the arena football league has shut down and filed for bankruptcy. [ audience aws ] it was doing really well for a while. then it just ran into a wall. and that's where -- [ laughter ] then it bounced off, and they c
more americans are using food stamps than ever before. over 34 million, which explains bravo's new show "top chef: boyardee edition." [ laughter ] that should be exciting. yesterday, i read the two broadway producers garth drabinsky and myron gottlieb were sentenced to prison for scamming investors out of millions of dollars. it won't be easy in there. no one wants you in their prison gang when your names are garth and myron. [ laughter ] these two guys. the new issue of...
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Aug 21, 2009
08/09
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a very memorable for us. but right now, after six years, over 2,500 performances and a tony award for best musical, which i think i won with them, the cast and puppets of "avenue q" will take their final bows on september 13th. here to perform a number from the show, please welcome "avenue q," everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> finally. i get to teach a whole lesson all by myself. and i'm going to teach something relevant. something modern, the internet. ♪ the internet is really, really great for porn ♪ ♪ i've got a fast connection so i don't have to wait for porn ♪ ♪ there's always some new site for porn ♪ ♪ i browse all day and night for porn ♪ ♪ it's like i'm surfing at the speed of light for porn ♪ >> trekkie! ♪ the internet is for porn ♪ >> trekkie! ♪ the internet is for porn ♪ >> what are you doing? ♪ why do you think the net was born? porn, porn, porn ♪ >> ricky monster. >> what, what? >> get down here. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. hello kate monster! >> you are ruining m
a very memorable for us. but right now, after six years, over 2,500 performances and a tony award for best musical, which i think i won with them, the cast and puppets of "avenue q" will take their final bows on september 13th. here to perform a number from the show, please welcome "avenue q," everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> finally. i get to teach a whole lesson all by myself. and i'm going to teach something relevant. something modern, the internet. ♪ the...
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Aug 27, 2009
08/09
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don't use irritating products when using epiduo. overexposure to sun, sunlamps, extreme wind or cold may increase the risk for irritation. use of sunscreen and protective clothing is advised. go to epiduo.com and learn how to pay no more than $20 for your epiduo prescription. to learn more about epiduo gel talk to your doctor, call or go to epiduo.com. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, 're back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] i'm about to play beer pong with betty white. here, this is the leaderboard. anna kournikova beat me. serenwilliams beat me. ivonka trump beat he. i'm 0-3. and now, finally, betty white is on the board. [ cheers and applause ] here's how you play the game. how you play the game is you take two ping-pong balls, all right? and you sit on thatide and try to throw it and land it in any of my cups of beer. and if you land it in a cup, i drink the beer in the cup. >> oh, wonderful! and if i'm very, very good, we carry him out. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm going to be honest. when i
don't use irritating products when using epiduo. overexposure to sun, sunlamps, extreme wind or cold may increase the risk for irritation. use of sunscreen and protective clothing is advised. go to epiduo.com and learn how to pay no more than $20 for your epiduo prescription. to learn more about epiduo gel talk to your doctor, call or go to epiduo.com. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, 're back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] i'm about to play beer pong with betty white....
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Aug 21, 2009
08/09
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let's just be us. let's get intense. ♪ >> jimmy: what keeps you awake at night? >> nothing. [ laughter ] i sleep like a baby. >> jimmy: when you look in the mirror, what do you see? >> i see you, jimmy. i see you. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. come on -- what's your favorite food? sorry. [ laughter ] hey! cut the bull crap here. enough of this! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! >> you're welcome! [ laughter ] can i say -- >> jimmy: no, no, no, you can't! what did you have for lunch today? >> i had mexican food! >> jimmy: don't lie to me! what kind of food did you have? >> guacamole! >> jimmy: why did you eat guacamole? >> because i like the avocado! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why do you like the avocado? >> because it's god's gift to the world! >> jimmy: tell me why you like it? >> i don't even know, 'cause i've never really actually eaten food ever in my life, my mom and dad never let me eat food never once in my life. >> jimmy: there you go. there you go. there you go. that feel better? >> yeah, i feel so much better. >> jimmy: "my sister's keeper" opens everywhere today, everyb
let's just be us. let's get intense. ♪ >> jimmy: what keeps you awake at night? >> nothing. [ laughter ] i sleep like a baby. >> jimmy: when you look in the mirror, what do you see? >> i see you, jimmy. i see you. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. come on -- what's your favorite food? sorry. [ laughter ] hey! cut the bull crap here. enough of this! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! >> you're welcome! [ laughter ] can i say -- >> jimmy: no, no, no, you can't! what...
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>> used to bring coma girl here. when she was coma girl. >> so, back then you'd just sit down, order pancakes, look across a table and call her? >> by her name. >> which was? >> stealing names when you've got a mouth full of pancakes just ain't right, grace. >> what's her name? >> i can't tell you. >> you told me leon cooley's name. >> that was part of god's plan. >> how do you know part of god's plan's not to give me her name? coma girl gets shot, wakes up, exits stage left. you give me her name, i drink all your milk. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: holly hunter, everybody. "saving grace" airs tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. on tnt. we'll be right back with photographer mark seliger. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (announcer) every woman has many sides express each one more with downy simple pleasures feel more calm with new downy lavender serenity feel more daring with spice blossom dare feel more elegant with orchid allure now all have renewing scent pearls that help you express every side of you downy simple pleasures. fe
>> used to bring coma girl here. when she was coma girl. >> so, back then you'd just sit down, order pancakes, look across a table and call her? >> by her name. >> which was? >> stealing names when you've got a mouth full of pancakes just ain't right, grace. >> what's her name? >> i can't tell you. >> you told me leon cooley's name. >> that was part of god's plan. >> how do you know part of god's plan's not to give me her name? coma...
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Aug 14, 2009
08/09
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charlyne yi joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ queen ] want your longwear to give you more? well, get on out of that department store. and into covergirl outlast. no department store longwear gives you so many different ways to last through breakfast lunch and dinner. more choices, more shades, more outlast. ♪ covergirl a day on the days that you have arthritis pain, you could end up taking 4 times the number... of pills compared to aleve. choose aleve and you could start taking fewer pills. just 2 aleve have the strength... to relieve arthris pain all day. hi. ( whimpers, inhales ) ( sobs ) - hello! ( shakes and exhales ) for big moments anywhere, keep a little strength in your pocket. ( ding ) altoids smalls. are you in mint condition? yeah, my buddy's got all that. do we need to buy a bunch of different medicines? pepto guy: oh, no, pepto alone relieves all five symptoms. plus gas too. dude. we're covered. enjoy the game. easy. pepto guy: pepto-bismol. yup, you're covered. destroy t
charlyne yi joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ queen ] want your longwear to give you more? well, get on out of that department store. and into covergirl outlast. no department store longwear gives you so many different ways to last through breakfast lunch and dinner. more choices, more shades, more outlast. ♪ covergirl a day on the days that you have arthritis pain, you could end up taking 4 times the number... of pills compared to aleve. choose aleve and you could...
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Aug 29, 2009
08/09
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"i used to wait on you. now i'm buying your house." >> i mean, anything is possible in america, right? >> jimmy: still, such a good story. >> yeah, amazing. >> jimmy: but now you moved. you have a new house. you are in the canyons or something? >> yeah, well, you know, i bought a new house, but i'm really stssed out, because i imported this grass from ireland. not pot. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: wait a second -- "dark blue," yeah, wait a second. grass -- >> grass. >> jimmy: i'm buying it. i'm in. all right. >> so i bought this grass from ireland. >> jimmy: what do you mean you bought grass from ireland? >> 'cause i love howreen it is. you know how the grass in ireland is so much greener. >> jimmy: you used to wait tables. >> i know. >> jimmy: now you're importing grass from ireland. that's insane. >> but i want that green. you know how green it is? >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. >> i imported all this grass in from ireland. it's sod. they put it down. and i'm still stressed out at work, undercover cop and th
"i used to wait on you. now i'm buying your house." >> i mean, anything is possible in america, right? >> jimmy: still, such a good story. >> yeah, amazing. >> jimmy: but now you moved. you have a new house. you are in the canyons or something? >> yeah, well, you know, i bought a new house, but i'm really stssed out, because i imported this grass from ireland. not pot. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: wait a second -- "dark blue," yeah, wait a...
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Aug 18, 2009
08/09
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>> what about us? what about giving us a chance? i mean -- >> where? in the hacienda courts in boise or how about the hacienda courts in wichita? because if things go really well we can raise our kids in the hacienda courts in muskogee. >> what did you even come here for? >> because i wanted one last fling, and i know you're not going to stick around. >> so you're just going to have sex with me and then leave? this hurts! [ laughter ] i guess this is what women mean when they say "that you're just going to have sex with me and leave." this hurts. ah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: say hello to the lovely jordana spiro, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look beautiful. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's good to see you, pal. good to see you again. >> good to see you, too. >> jimmy: hey, you're coming back to new york. you're going to school. what's going on? >> eric bana's not hanging out? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, he had to travel time. he had to catch a plane to los angeles. so, yeah, he doesn't really -- he travels that way now. >> w
>> what about us? what about giving us a chance? i mean -- >> where? in the hacienda courts in boise or how about the hacienda courts in wichita? because if things go really well we can raise our kids in the hacienda courts in muskogee. >> what did you even come here for? >> because i wanted one last fling, and i know you're not going to stick around. >> so you're just going to have sex with me and then leave? this hurts! [ laughter ] i guess this is what women...
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Aug 13, 2009
08/09
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hugh dancy joins us next. there he is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ protesting is awesome. do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought you were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix clean so deep... ...it's like your old mop's worst nightmare. ♪ [ thunder crashes ] [ man ] love stinks. ♪ love stinks! ♪ yeah! yeah! [ female announcer ] swiffer wet cloths clean better than a mop with new cleansers that attract dirt deep into the cloth and lock it away. new swiffer wet cloths clean better, or your money back. ♪ love stinks! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nice. nice. everybody, our next guest is a very talented actor who's getting rave reviews for his work as the title character in the nefilm, "adam," which is in theaters right now. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome hugh dancy, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. >> thank you, thank yo
hugh dancy joins us next. there he is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ protesting is awesome. do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought you were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix clean so deep... ...it's like your old mop's worst nightmare. ♪ [ thunder crashes ] [ man ] love stinks. ♪ love stinks! ♪ yeah! yeah! [ female announcer ] swiffer wet cloths clean better...
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Aug 13, 2009
08/09
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joe scarborough joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ man: while looking for his remote, - alex makes an unfortunate discovery. - oh no! if alex had netflix, he'd never pay late fees. and he could even watch some movies instantly on his tv. ( panting ) made it! there's no dvd in here. - alex: what? - i'm sorry. ( sighs ) take the drama out of renting. announcer: netflix. dvds by mail-- plus some movies instantly on your tv. only $8.99 a month. the getting close part. so there's embrace, the latest razor from venus. 5 blades surrounded by a ribbon of moisture... shaves closer than ever... and leaves your legs smoother than ever. venus embrace. hi. ( whimpers, inhales ) ( sobs ) - hello! ( shakes and exhales ) for big moments anywhere, keep a little strength in your pocket. ( ding ) altoids smalls. are you in mint condition? of samuel adams. (bob cannon) hops add a spicy, citrus flavor to sam adams. (jim koch) the best ps have been grown on family farms like stanglmair's for centuries. it has uniqu
joe scarborough joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ man: while looking for his remote, - alex makes an unfortunate discovery. - oh no! if alex had netflix, he'd never pay late fees. and he could even watch some movies instantly on his tv. ( panting ) made it! there's no dvd in here. - alex: what? - i'm sorry. ( sighs ) take the drama out of renting. announcer: netflix. dvds by mail-- plus some movies instantly on your tv. only $8.99 a month. the getting close part. so...
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as we look to the future, they'll be there ahead of us, lights on, showing us the way forward. this is just the beginning of the reinvention of business. and while we're sure we don't know all the answers, we do know one thing for certain, we want to help. come see what the beginning looks like at openforum.com hello? (woman) in here... well, this is new... i'm working on my digestive health. whatcha eatin'? yoplus. it's a yogurt for digestive health. it's delicious. here... blackberry pomegranate. honey, i can't find my hand. (announcer) yoplus has the special combination of... fiber plus... special cultures... plus the delicious taste of yoplait. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. welcome back, everybody. get ready for the first ever "margaritaville" sousaphone solo. performing "margaritaville" with the help of the roots, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jimmy buffett! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ living on sponge cake watching the sun bake all of those sousaphones covered with oil ♪ ♪ strumming my six string on my front porch swing smell those shr
as we look to the future, they'll be there ahead of us, lights on, showing us the way forward. this is just the beginning of the reinvention of business. and while we're sure we don't know all the answers, we do know one thing for certain, we want to help. come see what the beginning looks like at openforum.com hello? (woman) in here... well, this is new... i'm working on my digestive health. whatcha eatin'? yoplus. it's a yogurt for digestive health. it's delicious. here... blackberry...
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Aug 25, 2009
08/09
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don't use irritating products when using epiduo. overexposure to sun, sunlamps, extreme wind or cold may increase the risk for irritation. use of sunscreen and protective clothing is advised. go to epiduo.com and learn how to pay no more than $20 for your epiduo prescription. to learn more about epiduo gel talk to your doctor, call or go to epiduo.com. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. a bit of a controversy. while we were talking to the beautiful lauren conrad, somebody came up and said that ryan may not have won, because the rules of shuffleboard is, if the puck is touching the line, that he won't get the point. is that true? >> yeah. [ scattered cheers ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: so i could have won that one? i tweeted it out and some guy here says that -- the grip says, "no, it has to be inside the lines to count." and then all the twitter says get, "get shuffleboard you lazy, tv personality comedian." [ light laughter ] i don't have time to do that. we'lfind out. we're going to check upstairs. do we have a picture of
don't use irritating products when using epiduo. overexposure to sun, sunlamps, extreme wind or cold may increase the risk for irritation. use of sunscreen and protective clothing is advised. go to epiduo.com and learn how to pay no more than $20 for your epiduo prescription. to learn more about epiduo gel talk to your doctor, call or go to epiduo.com. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. a bit of a controversy. while we were talking to the beautiful lauren conrad, somebody...
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joe scarborough joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (marco andretti) i race to win. i know when it's the perfect time to change my tires. when it comes to shaving i know when to change my blade. (announcer) gillette fusion's indicator strip fades to white when it may be time to change. fresh blade. better shave. what if we could put an end... to that prickly feeling between shaves? ♪ new dove visiblysmooth anti-perspirant makes hair look and feel less noticeable over time... so you feel stubble-free for longer. are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multiple applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunkin' donuts in space. from america's most dependable 3g network. bringing you the first and only wireless 4g network. get the palm pre. only from sprint. only on th
joe scarborough joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (marco andretti) i race to win. i know when it's the perfect time to change my tires. when it comes to shaving i know when to change my blade. (announcer) gillette fusion's indicator strip fades to white when it may be time to change. fresh blade. better shave. what if we could put an end... to that prickly feeling between shaves? ♪ new dove visiblysmooth anti-perspirant makes hair look and feel less noticeable over...
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i also used to get "gru," was a comic book. you ever heard of that. anyone? "gru." it was like a hagar, but it wasn't quite hagar. >> steve: kind of like a don martiny hagar. with the nose that came over. >> i think the guy from "mad" magazine was the guy that wrote this. >> steve: was it don martin? >> jimmy: you think it was doc martin? >> steve: was it doc martin? the guy that did the boots? >> jimmy: yeah, it was all about boots. >> steve: wow. that's a very specific comic. >> jimmy: yeah, it was a comic book about dudes moshingnd stuff in the '90s. [ laughter ] >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yeah, it's fantastic. >> steve: oh, my god. i should read that. >> jimmy: yeah, it's, like, a lot of plaid shirts and stuff like that. it was a phenomenal comic book. >> steve: i should read that comic. >> jimmy: yeah, by doc martin. but anyways, excited to go to comicon in san diego. i'm going there. and then we're going to shoot something for our show and air it on monday. but it should be fun, i'm excited to go there. and i'll be back sunday. i haven't even been to
i also used to get "gru," was a comic book. you ever heard of that. anyone? "gru." it was like a hagar, but it wasn't quite hagar. >> steve: kind of like a don martiny hagar. with the nose that came over. >> i think the guy from "mad" magazine was the guy that wrote this. >> steve: was it don martin? >> jimmy: you think it was doc martin? >> steve: was it doc martin? the guy that did the boots? >> jimmy: yeah, it was all about...
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Aug 15, 2009
08/09
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they used to make songs for the show. so, when you were looking for a band -- >> jimmy: i asked you. >> i said you should hire these guys. and what i didn't know is that they now have a white bass player, which is very exciting. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's been goi on for a while. you didn't know that? >> well, no -- >> tracy: that's the rhythm section -- >> that's what -- well, that's what i'm saying. >> tracy: so, the myth isn't true? [ laughter ] >> it speaks to wre we are in america that the roots were looking for a bassist and they thought, "where should we go? harlem?" "no, let's go to connecticut." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's the baddest. in a good way. the bad -- "the goods: live hard, sell hard. >> shut up. [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: now, i just want -- you and tracy are old pals. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you once pitched a movie for -- a vehicle for -- >> me and tracy were in l.a. pitching a movie. now, as you should know, that tracy brings up george lucas and stev
they used to make songs for the show. so, when you were looking for a band -- >> jimmy: i asked you. >> i said you should hire these guys. and what i didn't know is that they now have a white bass player, which is very exciting. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's been goi on for a while. you didn't know that? >> well, no -- >> tracy: that's the rhythm section -- >> that's what -- well, that's what i'm saying. >> tracy: so, the myth...
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Aug 26, 2009
08/09
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higgins, can you tell us fiza what she'll be licking? >> steve: well, jimmy, fiza will be licking these "harry potter" glasses! these spell-nding spectacles are the exact replica of the pair worn by the boy wizard. featuring a wirrimmed frame and a round lens. they're the harry potter glasses and they retail r 45 galleons, jimmy? >> jimmy: all right, here you go. now, i got it wrong, it's fiza? is that right? all right, fiza, fiza, you'll be licking the "harry potter" glasses. have you licked glasses before? >> no, i have not. >> jimmy: this is going to be exciting, then. we're going to put them on this camera here so people get a good view of you. [ light lauger ] that's perfect. right there. yeah, that's good. all right. so that's -- [ scatted cheers ] that's what y're going to have to lick. make new jersey proud. come on. will you? i mean -- [ cheers ] there you go -- whenever you're ready. questlove, can i get a drum roll? go foit. ♪ [ cheers ] >> jimmy: very nice! very, very nice. very nice. can we see that in super sexy slow-mo,
higgins, can you tell us fiza what she'll be licking? >> steve: well, jimmy, fiza will be licking these "harry potter" glasses! these spell-nding spectacles are the exact replica of the pair worn by the boy wizard. featuring a wirrimmed frame and a round lens. they're the harry potter glasses and they retail r 45 galleons, jimmy? >> jimmy: all right, here you go. now, i got it wrong, it's fiza? is that right? all right, fiza, fiza, you'll be licking the "harry...
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Aug 12, 2009
08/09
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it was a great way for obama to use clinton that way. i think i know how he got him to go over there. you know, he's probably like, "bill, i need you to go to north korea for me." "i can't do it. i'mompletely booked. i have numerous obligations." [ laughter ] "i want you to visit a woman's prison." "what time's my flight?" [ laughter and applause ] that's how i think it went down. hey, very happy birthday to president obama. he turned 48 today. very good. [ cheers and applause ] happy birthday. it's great that everyone at the white house sang happy birthday except for joe biden. he accidentally sang the launch codes. [ laughter ] ♪ 6-11-4-3-9 "stop it!" david beckham, did you hear about this? he's teaming up with arnold schwarzenegger to promot california tourism. all part of arnold's plan to make california just as popular as american soccer. [ laughter ] hey, an earthquake measuring 6.9 on the richter scale hit mexico yesterday. shaking buildings as far away as san diego. scientists now are saying it wasn't a real quake. they were ju
it was a great way for obama to use clinton that way. i think i know how he got him to go over there. you know, he's probably like, "bill, i need you to go to north korea for me." "i can't do it. i'mompletely booked. i have numerous obligations." [ laughter ] "i want you to visit a woman's prison." "what time's my flight?" [ laughter and applause ] that's how i think it went down. hey, very happy birthday to president obama. he turned 48 today. very good....
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and he lets us know that we're not good. but i wanted to show it. [ light laughter ] and i really don't even want to watch, but just run it. >> jimmy: here it is. we got to take a look at this clip. >> you are really '80s comedians. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> does that upset you? [ laughter ] >> the '80s were good, man. if it weren't for the '80s, i'd only be -- i'd be 13. >> they're over, adam. >> no, i was coming out with a punch line. it was my first thing, the '80s. i was trying to break the ice, man. be funny. [ laughter ] >> go ahead. no one is going to stop you. >>ut you stepped on me, bill. >> oh, i'm sorry. do you know these two young whipper snappers here? you know most of the young comedians -- >> i saw him snapping the other's whipper backstage. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he saw him snapping the other one's whipper. >> humiliated by a comedy legend. >> jimmy: that makes me laugh. >> what i like about that -- i don't know if you can say this on tv, but it's basically steve allan doing the handjob
and he lets us know that we're not good. but i wanted to show it. [ light laughter ] and i really don't even want to watch, but just run it. >> jimmy: here it is. we got to take a look at this clip. >> you are really '80s comedians. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> does that upset you? [ laughter ] >> the '80s were good, man. if it weren't for the '80s, i'd only be -- i'd be 13. >> they're over, adam. >> no, i was coming out with a punch line. it was my first...
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Aug 18, 2009
08/09
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or cialis for daily use. ask your doctor about cialis today, so when the moment is right, you can be ready. put a refreshing spin on your summer. ♪ bud light lime. superior drinkability. ♪ ultimate refreshment. a splash of 100% natural lime flavor. one taste and you'll find, the summer state of mind. bud light lime. ♪ do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought u were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. hey, pop quiz. what do rush limbaugh and karaoke have in common? that's right, nothing. [ laughter ] until now because it's time to y ar." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right, everybody. welcome one and all to "rush limbaugh karaoke." the singing sensation that's sweeping the nation. the game where we take beautiful music and combine it with the equally beautiful words of conservative radio show host rush limbaugh. now, a
or cialis for daily use. ask your doctor about cialis today, so when the moment is right, you can be ready. put a refreshing spin on your summer. ♪ bud light lime. superior drinkability. ♪ ultimate refreshment. a splash of 100% natural lime flavor. one taste and you'll find, the summer state of mind. bud light lime. ♪ do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought u were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over...
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Aug 22, 2009
08/09
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th used make sos fothe sh. so, whenou were lookg foa band - >>jimmy: i aed you >> said u shou hire ese gs. and what dn't kn ithat ey now have white ba play, which very citing [ lghter [ heers d apause >> jimm that's en gng on for wle yodidn knothat? >> ll, -- tcy: th's the rhythm seti -- > that what -- well, that's wh i'm sayin >> tra: , the myth isn't te? laught >> it saks to whe we e in amica at theoots were loong f a bassi and they thought"where should go? rle?" o,et go toonnectic." [ lauger ] >> jimmyhe's t bdest in good y. e ba-- "the goods: live hard, sell rd. >shut u [ ght laughter ] [ stteredpplae ] >> jimmy: n, i just wt -- yoantry arold pals. >> y. >> mmy:nd you once pihea movie for a vehicle f -- >> me antracwere in l.a. pihi a mie n, as you shoulknow,hat tracy ings up georgs an stev selberg and tar wa," le, twicen hour, generay. laught ] , me and tcy areaiti - we're atreamworks waitg to o in anditchnd youever e,ike, peoe inollywood. so, i'talkinto tracy acy loo over my shoulr and es, "georglus and s
th used make sos fothe sh. so, whenou were lookg foa band - >>jimmy: i aed you >> said u shou hire ese gs. and what dn't kn ithat ey now have white ba play, which very citing [ lghter [ heers d apause >> jimm that's en gng on for wle yodidn knothat? >> ll, -- tcy: th's the rhythm seti -- > that what -- well, that's wh i'm sayin >> tra: , the myth isn't te? laught >> it saks to whe we e in amica at theoots were loong f a bassi and they thought"where...
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tim meadows joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( conversation ) garth, you're up. hold on, i'm at capitalone.com picking a photo... for my credit card. here's one from my prom. oh, what memories. how 'bout one from our golf outing? ( shouting ) i know, maybe one of my first-born son. dad, mom says the boys gotta go. personalize your card by uploading... your own photo at capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? ♪ healthy hair is soft, silky. and you can get it. fabulous, healthy hair. all you need is pantene. salon names and fancy packaging are nice, but you don't need it. even experts agree. it's damage protection results leading salon brands can't beat. trust me on this, the blow dryer, the curling iron, and the flat iron, and my hair's still shiny. pantene moisture renewal. healthy makes is happen. ♪ [ heers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is one of the funniest dudes around. you know him from his time on "saturday night live" as well as a bunch of movi
tim meadows joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( conversation ) garth, you're up. hold on, i'm at capitalone.com picking a photo... for my credit card. here's one from my prom. oh, what memories. how 'bout one from our golf outing? ( shouting ) i know, maybe one of my first-born son. dad, mom says the boys gotta go. personalize your card by uploading... your own photo at capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? ♪ healthy hair is soft, silky. and you can get it. fabulous,...
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Aug 20, 2009
08/09
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can use less? bring it. with bounty. the thick quicker picker-upper. and try bounty napkins. now with new prints. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. welcome back, thank you so much for watching, we got a fantastic show coming up tomorrow night. creator of "robot chicken," seth green is going to be here. project runway -- [ cheers and applause ] he's awesome. "project runway's" tim gunn is going to be stopping by, giving me style types and we'll have a performance from the hit broadway musical, avenue q. hope to see you back here tomorrow night. but right now, our next guests are a trio of siblings who just finished a u.s. tour, opening for coldplay. they're making their late night tv debut with their take on the canned heat classic, "going up the country." from the self-titled debut album, please welcome kitty, daisy and lewis! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm going up the couny babe don't you wanna go i'm going up the country babe don't you wanna go ♪ ♪ take you to some place i've
can use less? bring it. with bounty. the thick quicker picker-upper. and try bounty napkins. now with new prints. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. welcome back, thank you so much for watching, we got a fantastic show coming up tomorrow night. creator of "robot chicken," seth green is going to be here. project runway -- [ cheers and applause ] he's awesome. "project runway's" tim gunn is going to be stopping by, giving me style types and we'll have a...
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woodstock's michael lang joins us next. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( conversation ) garth, y're up. hold on, i'm at capitalone.com picking a photo... for my credit card. here's one from my prom. oh, what memories. how 'bout one from our golf outing? ( shouting ) i know, maybe one of my first-born son. dad, mom says the boys gotta go. personalize your card by uploading... your own pto at capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? ♪ woman: (thinking) so, i stick this bounce bar inside my dryer, and it'll freshen my clothes automatically? hmm, i wish all my chores were automatic. ( ♪ ) enjoy about four months of freshness with the new bounce dryer bar. fact. bleach doesn't get rid of stains. it just whitens them. with this stain revealing dye you can see the stains bleach leaves behind. lysol power toilet bowl cleaner removes stains better than bleach while killing 99.9% of germs. to give you a toilet thats completely clean. lysol. the number one pediatrician recommended brand. lysol. disinfect to protect. look
woodstock's michael lang joins us next. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( conversation ) garth, y're up. hold on, i'm at capitalone.com picking a photo... for my credit card. here's one from my prom. oh, what memories. how 'bout one from our golf outing? ( shouting ) i know, maybe one of my first-born son. dad, mom says the boys gotta go. personalize your card by uploading... your own pto at capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? ♪ woman: (thinking) so, i stick this bounce bar...
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Aug 27, 2009
08/09
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i think you're up against us. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: so, for you, it's a win-win tonight. [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: some one will be watching you guys tonight. but a lot of fans want to know, are you going to do a movie? are you going to more seasons? are youtopping here? is this enough? are you hate each other? do you love it? >> oh, we love each other. >> jimmy: yeah, do you love ting? >> yh. >> jimmy: and you hate to love. >> we still make love, occasionally. >> jimmy: you do? >> occasionally. >> jimmy: yeah, now and then. >> yeah, we surprise each other. [ laughter ] >> i think it's called rape. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: surprise making love. yes, it might be called rape, yeah. >> but no, we will. we want to do an album as well and a film and another series. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: cool. >> we won't get 'round to any of that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but you want to do it. you want to do it. >> i've been wanting to take up carpentry, as well. >> jimmy: oh, good for you. >> develop some woodwork skills. >> ji
i think you're up against us. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: so, for you, it's a win-win tonight. [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: some one will be watching you guys tonight. but a lot of fans want to know, are you going to do a movie? are you going to more seasons? are youtopping here? is this enough? are you hate each other? do you love it? >> oh, we love each other. >> jimmy: yeah, do you love ting? >> yh. >> jimmy: and you hate to love. >>...
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challenges us to think, makes us see the world a whole new light. [ echoing ] questions the very essence of our moral fiber. you know where this is going. it's time for "rush limbaugh karaoke." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ rush limbaugh karaoke time karaoke time ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to "rush limbaugh karaoke," everybody. where we combine soulful music with the equally soulful words of conservative radio host, rush limbaugh. words taken from the mouth of the lightning rod for controversy himself, higgins, who's on the mic tonight? >> steve: well, jimmy, coming to the stage are tasha lumburger, angela allen and shumpy white. come on down, shumpy! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> "rush limbaugh karaoke" is a registered trademark of the jimmy fallon corporation. >> jimmy: all right, welcome, welcome, welcome. thank for coming to the "rush limbaugh karaoke" club tonight. what's your name? >> tasha. >> jimmy: tasha, now, would you consider yourself the biggest fan of "rush limbaugh karaoke"? >> i guess i am now. >> jimmy: wow, all right. [ laughter ] you came to the right show. hey, what's your
challenges us to think, makes us see the world a whole new light. [ echoing ] questions the very essence of our moral fiber. you know where this is going. it's time for "rush limbaugh karaoke." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ rush limbaugh karaoke time karaoke time ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to "rush limbaugh karaoke," everybody. where we combine soulful music with the equally soulful words of conservative radio host, rush limbaugh. words taken from the mouth of the lightning...
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Aug 29, 2009
08/09
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let us slow jam the news. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ah, yeah >> jimmy: you know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, but my mama always told me a statistical picture is worth at least a thousand analytical interpretations ♪ analytical interpretations oh, yeah oh, yeah oh, yeah ♪ >> jimmy: one poll is whispering that america has fallen out of love. ♪ using a tool called the approval index ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but other polls say that whispering is just fiscal noise. ♪ and rassmussen's polls are out of context ♪ >> jimmy: now, with all these different polls, the press is going crazy. ♪ applied math is just so complex ♪ ♪ but please don't be vexed the polls all suggest you're numbers are still strong among hispanics ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: numbers in a single poll, they don't mean a thing. ♪ 'cause rassmussen tends to be an outlier ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your numbers in the gallops, ap and abc polls are much -- ♪ and your approval ratings trend much higher ♪ >> jimmy: and even if this marks the end they honeymoon, we still got to make
let us slow jam the news. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ah, yeah >> jimmy: you know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, but my mama always told me a statistical picture is worth at least a thousand analytical interpretations ♪ analytical interpretations oh, yeah oh, yeah oh, yeah ♪ >> jimmy: one poll is whispering that america has fallen out of love. ♪ using a tool called the approval index ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but other polls say that whispering...
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Aug 28, 2009
08/09
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with your look let us play wh your lo let us play with your look let us play with your ok ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: this has been "let us py with your look." alec baldwin jns us next. [ cheers andpplause ] ♪ environment because of that, that intimacy; it's very personal. to be able communicate directly wi your teacher instead of being in a class of 300 makes all the difference in the world. there's math lab, there's writing lab, there's just so many resources available to you. it giveyou real world experience; i have the information directly from people who are working in the field. you get experie
with your look let us play wh your lo let us play with your look let us play with your ok ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look let us play with your look...
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Aug 25, 2009
08/09
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the lovely alexa chung will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] alexa chung. very nice. she has a new talk show on mtv and we'll see her. then also tonight, special performance from aimee mann, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it will be great. she's awesome. phenomenal. and don't forget, tomorrow night, the jonas brothers. oh. big deal. [ cheers and applause ] jonas brothers, come on. that's a big deal. everyone is coming to jonas brothers. serious stuff. jonas brothers. they're going to do a political song. >> steve: is the bonus jonas coming? >> jimmy: which one? >> steve: the bonus jonas. the younger brother? >> jimmy: bonus jonas might not be here. cliffhanger. i want people to tune in. >> steve: oh, right. you're right. >> jimmy: what's the bonus jonas' name again? >> steve: that escapes me because i'm 45. [ laughter ] >> steve: i knew it at one time when they hosted the show. i remember the bonus jonas' name. but i can't now. >> jimmy: frankie jonas? >> steve: i'm guessing it's marvin or dwayne. am i wrong? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i nailed it. i nailed. >>
the lovely alexa chung will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] alexa chung. very nice. she has a new talk show on mtv and we'll see her. then also tonight, special performance from aimee mann, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it will be great. she's awesome. phenomenal. and don't forget, tomorrow night, the jonas brothers. oh. big deal. [ cheers and applause ] jonas brothers, come on. that's a big deal. everyone is coming to jonas brothers. serious stuff. jonas brothers. they're going to...
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) - ...to help keep us cool? ( women vocalizing ) solar-powered ventilation... to help cool you, available on the third-generation prius. it's harmony between man, nature and machine. do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought you were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multle applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunkin' donuts in space. from america's most dependable 3g network. bringing you the first and only wireless 4g network. get the palm pre. only from sprint. only on the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com. ♪ ♪ who who who who who let the dogs out who who who who ♪ [ cheer
) - ...to help keep us cool? ( women vocalizing ) solar-powered ventilation... to help cool you, available on the third-generation prius. it's harmony between man, nature and machine. do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought you were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multle applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder...
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Aug 15, 2009
08/09
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody, thank you for watching us. you kw our next guest from "knocked up" and "role models" and, of course, this summer's blockbuster comedy, "the hangover." starting august 14th, you can see him in "the goods: live hard, sell hard." let's take a look. >> somebody get dick lewiston off the lot. >> what's it matter anyways, mr. selleck? no one's selling anything. it's a damn killing field out there. >> mr. selleck, i think i made a sale. >> terrific, good job, teddy. >> and he wants to pay in cash, non-sequential, unmarked bills, neatly packed in this canvas bag. >> well, that's the thing, teddy -- [ engine revving ] [ tires screeching ] >> oh, oh, oh, my eyes! my eyes! my lasik! >> somebody call the cops. >> it burns! >> jimmy: say hello to ken jeong, everybody! ♪ ♪ they call me dr. love they call me dr. love ♪ ♪ i got the cure you're thinking of dr. love ♪ ♪ they call me dr. love dr. love ♪ i got the cure you're thinking of yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that's the diet red bull talking. sorry. sor
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody, thank you for watching us. you kw our next guest from "knocked up" and "role models" and, of course, this summer's blockbuster comedy, "the hangover." starting august 14th, you can see him in "the goods: live hard, sell hard." let's take a look. >> somebody get dick lewiston off the lot. >> what's it matter anyways, mr. selleck? no one's selling anything. it's a damn killing field out...
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Aug 20, 2009
08/09
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>> then they hate us and start harassing us. >> "anthony, nice raul julia mustache!" [ laughter ] that's right. i need facial hair. i look like i belong in "philadelphia." could you just stop! [ audience boos ] hey, i don't mean the city! i meant the movie! i meant the movie, silly! calm down! like i'm going to mess with a bunch of black guys from philly. get out of here. >> we can't take the roots on. >> jimmy: you can't take the roots on. >> never. >> no, maybe in beer pong. >> jimmy: yeah, maybe in beer pong. speaking of -- i was hearing about this one contest. this has nothing to do with your radio show. but you're doing this thing that's cool. >> anthony will back me up. i get bored from time to time. so i decided to drop a dollar bill in times square, for real. this is not sponsored by sirius xm satellite radio. >> or endorsed by it or hold them legally obligated to it. they want to be sure i said that. >> but if someone finds the dollar bill, for real, i am giving them $10,000 of my own money. >> jimmy: $10,000?! >> sure. >> jimmy: now, how do you know -- >> an
>> then they hate us and start harassing us. >> "anthony, nice raul julia mustache!" [ laughter ] that's right. i need facial hair. i look like i belong in "philadelphia." could you just stop! [ audience boos ] hey, i don't mean the city! i meant the movie! i meant the movie, silly! calm down! like i'm going to mess with a bunch of black guys from philly. get out of here. >> we can't take the roots on. >> jimmy: you can't take the roots on. >>...
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Aug 19, 2009
08/09
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bet tht an ul das wave behind us?" r lghte ] l that other guy.omrokss oo inking, "this room looks like it was decorated by a gay sea monster." [ laughter ] makes a good point there. it's pretty incredible how i'm able to do this, isn't it? >> steve: have you been to the police? you should go to the police. >> jimmy: you should see people's faces. i mean, their jaws are dropping. is the shthow iat "dinc's e"re ow on? would be on the show. iatt'ths increbl th here's another one. this is for all you sports fa 's rehe tiger woods. he just hit the ball agehee' t e. olhre t"g,t gehe "in tin ole."in" atbuhet wh t's guy behind him tthinking. in urofofco se, he's thinking, "that's what she said."co [au]ghter te clearly, what you would think of onmesoe's thought. [ applause ]me then there's this other guy. ohek teratth o guy there. he's thinking, "this is even more bin wg thanthatching golf on television." [ laugerth ] and what about the guy in the r.so he looks kind of bummed out. what's he thinking?r. "i've wasted my life." [
bet tht an ul das wave behind us?" r lghte ] l that other guy.omrokss oo inking, "this room looks like it was decorated by a gay sea monster." [ laughter ] makes a good point there. it's pretty incredible how i'm able to do this, isn't it? >> steve: have you been to the police? you should go to the police. >> jimmy: you should see people's faces. i mean, their jaws are dropping. is the shthow iat "dinc's e"re ow on? would be on the show. iatt'ths increbl th...
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Aug 12, 2009
08/09
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so, you search for a product and use your camera on the phone. this is my copy of "sisterhood of the traveling pts." [ laughter ] it's pretty beat up. i need a new copy. you take a picture. check this out. you won't even believe this. take a picture. you scan the barcode with your phone. look. it finds it. and look at that. "sisterhood of the traveling pants." you can get it on the web for a cent. [ laughter ] that is totally worth it! i will tell you right now, that is worth it.mo le t-bile it'a mytouch 3g with google. and it's 100% you. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what would you do for a klondike bar? would you hang out with your mother in law? what would you do now that is has... a thicker, more chocolatey shell? right there. i got it. ♪ what would you do-oo-oo for a klondike bar? ♪ thank you for watching at home, as well. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, welcome back, everybody. thank you for watching at home, as well. we here at "late night with jimmy fallon," we love gadgets and we love games. that's why i
so, you search for a product and use your camera on the phone. this is my copy of "sisterhood of the traveling pts." [ laughter ] it's pretty beat up. i need a new copy. you take a picture. check this out. you won't even believe this. take a picture. you scan the barcode with your phone. look. it finds it. and look at that. "sisterhood of the traveling pants." you can get it on the web for a cent. [ laughter ] that is totally worth it! i will tell you right now, that is...